Thursday, January 16, 2014

Created Awkward Moments

Ay ay ay, that was awkward. Goodness.

Okay, for everyone who is asking me about it OR assuming I'm awkward (which I really don't mind, I'm a fan of awkward people all over the world), here you go.

At this point it shouldn't even be a question anymore on this show... YES. OF COURSE I was "encouraged" (a hem,.. manipulated) to go in for the kiss. I HAVE never, and WOULD never do that in real life. But this is NOT real life. This is a TELEVISION SHOW MADE TO ENTERTAIN YOU, and also a REALLY crazy situation (you will not understand just how crazy until you're in it). Sometimes your competitiveness to "win" OR a seed planted in your head by a producer (it happens easier than you think), can completely override your common sense, especially if you're feeling the pressure of being in danger of going home. BACHELOR WORLD IS NOT REAL WORLD, which is why I struggled as a REAL and GENUINE person.

What people don't know is that for EVERY one on one time you get, there is usually some sort of PLAN, a discussion with a producer beforehand, something you're going to do when you get your time. I'm NOT a fan of planning what I'm going to do/say to someone, I believe in instant chemistry and super easy and natural conversation when you dig someone and they dig you. Conversation should flow naturally. But with Juan Pablo as Bachelor, there was a very difficult language barrier for MANY to ALL of us, and if you didn't go in with SPECIFIC questions for him, it made it VERY difficult. This is something we ALL were frustrated with. Normally, I refused to plan ahead, which wasn't getting me anywhere, but I hated the idea of going in with a plan. I attest this to me being a real person and not fake. Also Juan Pablo rarely asked me questions about me. It was ALL about him. What do I want to know about him, which was a big turn off, because I think he should be trying to get to know about me. The fact that he wasn't asking me questions and wanted me to ask them all made me feel like either this is a cultural thing to be "IN TO YOURSELF" and not being ashamed of it (I'm not saying that as a jab or to be funny, I truly mean it), OR he was just REALLY not interested in me. I think it was a combination of both.

Anyway, I think the only really good conversation I had with Juan Pablo was night one. The rest were okay, but as time went on I think we both knew we just didn't have chemistry there, not on his side, not on my side, but of course, I'm not going to make a rash decision and just leave the show.. people play along EVERY season, continue to stay even if they're not sure and even if they know they don't like the lead. Everyone does it. AGAIN, THIS IS A TV SHOW. I'll tell you what happened with the kiss attempt later on here... but it didn't go well because it was "planned" out and it made me nervous and uncomfortable (CLEARLY).

So, the main point of this blog is this: It should be NO SECRET to anyone anymore, EVER AGAIN, that reality shows are HEAVILY MANIPULATED and a lot of the way things are portrayed is FAKE. Contestants from every season let you in on this (especially the ones who get the shaft with editing/misrepresented, etc). If you get a great edit, that's wonderful and there's nothing to worry about. But It's important to remember that Reality TV shows aren't portraying a lot of things the way they REALLY are. So no matter what you think, there's a good chance you could be wrong. SO NEVER judge ANYONE based on what you see on REALITY TV. :)

Same thing goes for a lot of what you see in the media. Like Bachelor and other "Reality" shows, a lot of media outlets are DESPERATE for stories and they'll do anything to give you one for their own profit/gain. Juan Pablo being "anti-gay" is just one of those examples. OBVIOUSLY, there is a HUGE LANGUAGE barrier here. I know Juan Pablo personally and while I'm not sold on him at all as being sincere about his experience on the Bachelor (I'll get more into that later), I don't think he's a bad guy.

This is just ONE example of how the language barrier made it SO difficult for us as contestants this season. Anyway, sadly, this is how things work. Juan Pabs got a LOT of heat for that and I do think what he was trying to say was taken out of context. Of course, I could be wrong, but my instinct says I have to defend him on that one. The point is, that one thing can change what SO MANY PEOPLE think about you / how they perceive you. This is EXACTLY like what happens on The Bachelor people!!! That nice girl you're falling in love with could be terrible when cameras leave. That mean girl you hate so much, she might not be that bad! That guy that said the perfect things and seems like such a great catch could be a TOTAL POSER, a PHONY. YOU DONT KNOW UNLESS YOU MEET THE PEOPLE FROM THESE SHOWS IN PERSON.

Here's what happened with me: Unfortunately, I was confused and emotional (for very the first time, I should add) in Korea. It's very hard to stay sane when you're surrounded by drama. I'm NOT used to drama. There is none of it in my every day life. All my friends are very laid back, drama-free people, so needless to say, this whole experience was a serious adjustment for me. I did a good job the first three weeks adjusting and truly having a great time in LA, but as soon as we started traveling, and numbers dwindled down, things naturally got more stressful. We were also sequestered together in tighter quarters and you can't find an escape to get some breathing room on your own like you can back in the mansion in LA. Korea sort of broke down a lot of people, it wasn't just me. There became a bigger divide in the house, more complaining, some ungratefulness, and MUCH more drama.

Because of that, I was emotional. I HATED being around it. The majority of tears you see on screen are about THAT, NOT about Juan Pablo. But of course, for your entertainment, it's edited to look like they're about Juan Pabs.

Before, I continue on, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT and listen to this podcast. Molly and Jason Mesnick talk all the time about what really goes on, on this show. This is a VERY ACCURATE podcast. A MUST LISTEN.

Great quote from the podcast, very well said: "Common Sense says you can say no, but they don't let you believe that no is an option." These producers are VERY good at what they do, especially if you're vulnerable and naive to how these shows work coming in, like I was. There are some very good examples in that podcast, and I'll share my own examples here too.

Anyway, the second I actually listened to a producer week 4 and went in for the kiss, which I knew wasn't good timing (obviously) everything changed. I was brainwashed in a sense to please producers instead of pleasing myself. I was told "Solomon, you're so boring for TV. Do something exciting." This started as a TOTAL joke and something we were laughing about, and I have to take the blame for actually letting it develop and then doing it knowing well I could get rejected. No one can FORCE me to do it. But like Molly and Jason say in their podcast, they make you feel like no isn't an option.

I will admit, there's a part of me that's really impatient (especially with guys, if they're not into me I'm OVER it and moving ON, but in Bachelor world, you can't just do that). I'm also a little impulsive and rejection doesn't really phase me so I did NOT think it would be a big deal if I was rejected. I did not think it through that I was on national television. In fact, I thought too much like a producer in that moment and found it funny and didn't take it seriously at all, BUT after I did it, I realized the repercussions. I had a major Ron Burgandy moment thinking "I IMMEDIATELY REGRET THIS DECISION." The SECOND I did it, EVERYTHING changed for me. Cameras followed me EVERYWHERE trying to capture embarrassment, or sadness. One part of me was happy that it was confirmed for sure that he didn't like me, it was is if all I wanted was to find out and not be led on for a show, but the other part blacked out in shock, realizing this journey was definitely coming to an end this week and there would be no more traveling for me.

Because I made this ONE bad decision, EVERYTHING changed immediately for me, my whole edit, how far I would make it, how the public would perceive me, etc. My "character" on the show immediately changed from a cool, normal, drama-free, nice girl (which I am) to the "awkward" and more emotional girl for the episode. Over the course of 4 weeks on this show, the 2 times I cried was nearly what ALL my air-time was. Of course, all the good things Juan Pablo ever said about me are cut and what's put in, is him talking about how awkward that was. Remember, what the LEAD says about you and is put on the show about you, is what determines what the audience thinks about and how they remember you, which the public doesn't realize. Again, many people get edits that aren't accurate so the truth is, you're being brainwashed or swayed by the show, the edit, and the story they're creating, to MAKE you fall in love with or dislike certain people. It's all up to THEM. I would assume most people are smart enough to know this, but when I see the publics reaction to things on Social Media, it worries me that people think this show is real. I'll clear it up. It's NOT. SOME elements of it are real but you'll never be able to tell what is real or what isn't, no matter how hard you try, again, UNLESS YOU MEET PEOPLE FROM THE SHOW IN PERSON.

In order to make me look awkward, they cut out every single good one- on-one time I had with Juan Pablo, including us playing on the piano bike together episode 1 which was the best one on one time we've probably ever had. They cut ALL GOOD conversations between him and I to prevent you from liking me, or seeing me in a really good light, and mainly so you wont get invested in me as a viewer, because if you did, you'd be let down that I get sent home early. This is how editing works. Anyway, they also cut all that out so that the ONE awkward encounter they had could be used to represent (a hem... MIS-represent) me as the AWKWARD one, which is incredibly ironic, because most of us thought having a conversation with Juan Pablo was difficult/awkward. Again, language barrier. So yes, ironic that MY edit is the AWKWARD girl and JUAN PABLO's is meant to be likable/sincere, as with ANY lead Bachelor they try to make look desirable. I don't mean to pick on Juan Pablo here, my problem is not with Juan Pablo, he's in it for the ride and of course took the opportunity. Easy pay check, easy fame.

My problem is with ABC choosing him as The Bachelor. He was not qualified and did not have many qualities I think most girls would look for in a partner. The language/cultural barrier made things especially difficult for us competing for him. I really dont mean for that to be a jab against him. I just sort of felt gypped being on a season where a Bachelor can't pick up on or doesn't VALUE things like wit, sarcasm, intelligence, likability by others, etc. An american man would probably think some qualities like that are valuable. It made a lot of us wish the Bachelor had been someone else. Hate to say it, but it's the truth.

Moral of the story: I think ABC just wanted someone 1) HOT, and 2) LATINO, so they could say they're diverse.

I also think ABC should stop recycling the hottest guy/girl from each season who doesn't necessarily have Bachelor qualities and put someone new on each time who actually does. Then you don't get "stuck" with guys like Jake, and Juan Pablo. This would also eliminate the BIG problem of people coming on this show to be next Bachelor/ette which is the majority of contestants every single season, no matter WHAT they say.

In my opinion, THESE are the qualities every Bachelor/ette should have:

The FIRST recipe for success in Bachelor world is having a Bachelor/ette who is:

1) SINCERE and TRULY LOOKING FOR LOVE (SEAN LOWE are DESIREE HARTSOCK are two recent good examples)

Here are other things ABC needs. A Bachelor/ette who is:

2) DOWN TO EARTH / REAL / GENUINE (NOT FAKE, NOT THERE FOR FAME, NOT PHONY, THIS IS EASY TO TELL WHEN YOU GET TO KNOW SOMEONE, but either ABC is a terrible judge of character OR they just don't care. I know for a fact it's the latter. They don't have a great track record with this one.



Okay, back to the Awkward kiss attempt: No denying it, I definitely didn't read Juan Pablo right OR take into consideration how poorly and awkward our conversation was going, but that's because I was so distracted by the fact that I was "supposed" to kiss him. It felt ALL wrong and it made me even more nervous going into our one on one time. It's what messed me up. I DO know how to read a situation, lol. Remember, A LOT more going on than you realize when watching on TV. Anyway, that risk I took did not pay off and it's what led me to be eliminated from the show, it's what lost me a trip to Vietnam. I mean, I don't care if the Bachelor is Mr. Bean, or Brad Pitt, you'll get a little upset when someone doesn't realize what good qualities you possess.

Let me tell you some TRUTHS. (Please don't get it twisted. I am NOT bitter about being eliminated). I'm bitter about Juan Pablo being chosen as Bachelor for the season I happened to be going on. Whoever your Bachelor/ette is will completely affect your experience. What the lead thinks about you determines your edit and how valuable you are for the season. A good example of this is KACIE B who was on Ben's season who got a lovable edit and went far, and then came back for Sean's season, there was nothing there between them, and they made her look bad. She's the SAME EXACT girl. No different. Two totally different edits depending on how well she did on the show, depending on the situation, depending on how much the lead values that person or what is said about them. Other good examples: Michelle Money - the villain on Brad's season and totally redeemed herself on Bachelor Pad. Chris Bukowski - good edit on Emily's season - the "player" on Bachelor Pad. IT ALL DEPENDS ON SO MANY DIFFERENT FACTORS.

Anyway,when being interviewed for my exit from the show I kept saying, I'm SO relieved to be OUT of the drama, that's what was driving me to tears and I'm so happy to go home. They had to talk to me for HOURS to try to get me to cry and make it look like it was about Juan Pablo. The way they got me to cry was by bringing up my ex-fiance, Blake. THAT was my trigger. The producers know everyone's trigger and will use this to get them to cry and edit creatively around that to make it look like you're heartbroken over the LEAD character.

TRUTH: I'm not a huge fan of Juan Pablo as far as a good choice for BACHELOR or as a romantic partner in life. I wasn't before meeting him (but I was open minded that I could be wrong about him), and I wasn't after meeting him in person either. I think he's an okay person who is attractive and loveable in a sense, but my honest opinion is I think he's insincere and fake. I can't blame the guy, he got the opportunity and ran with it, but I think he was a poor choice on ABC's part. I know for a FACT that Juan Pablo got out of a hot tub after some one on one time with Desiree on her season, shrugged his shoulders to his cast mates and said, "All show business you guys, just show business." I've heard it from the cast themselves. Disappointing to hear? Sorry.

But this is part of why I was emotional. This feeling of insincerity. Pretending to be "falling" for some guy on a show is hard too but thats the character you signed up to play. At least half of us I'm sure did not have feeling for Juan Pablo, but no one wants to leave because it's a once in a lifetime experience. Many people won't speak up about it, but I have no problem doing it because nothing ERKS me MORE than the truth not being known about the way things work in Reality Television. I wanted to be here for this experience, I was here for all the right reasons before they announced who the bachelor was. But unfortunately, I was really disappoinated when they announced Juan Pabs as Bachelor for a couple reasons. I KNEW there would be a big cultural/language batter, WITH GOOD REASON. I was VERY right about that being a HUGE problem. And I KNEW Spicy latino guys don't normally go for laid back, drama-free girls, they like a little feister. ALSO, something I was very right about. My overall feeling was that I just got stuck on the wrong season. And then Juan Pabs goes and posts pictures like this on his instagram just to clarify for us his real intentions, just in case any of us were wondering other wise...

Someone brought this up to me too, which I thought was really valid. They aired that special on Gia, which I thought was beautiful. Reality Steve talked about how in real life no producers went to her funeral, and yada yada. It really is contradictory that they make a tribute like that but then exploit women (and men) all the time through their show, which can TOTALLY affect someone's reputation and life and cause a thought such as suicide to occur.

Back to my experience. My one true regret of this season was that I got so caught up in the show instead taking action on my true feelings. When I was in Korea, I had serious thoughts of leaving the show. I knew I didn't have feelings for Juan Pabs, and I had a very good feeling he didn't have any for me, which I obviously found out later. Instead of being vulnerable and doing something silly simply out of apathy, confusion, and impatience, I should have stood up for myself, followed my TRUE feelings and left. I came SO close but was somehow talked out of it. Sounds strange, but there's so many different ways it can turn out, so it makes it hard to know what to do, and to follow your gut. Renee and Alli can attest to the fact that I was already wishing the best for him going forward knowing that I would not be the one, BEFORE the kiss attempt. Again, I really wish I would have listened to MY instincts and no one else, and left like I WANTED to, instead of being talked out of it. That being said, I have a new found respect for people who leave the show when they know it's not for them and don't try to stay for the air time or the wrong reasons. I'll throw this out there too... I especially respect the people who have turned down the tempting and I'm sure, rewarding opportunity of being the Bachelor/ette. It truly means they care more about their morals and values, than fame and a paycheck and that they have a problem with the manipulation, and some unethical tactics used in "reality" television. I think I would really, really like Chris Lambton as a person. Just saying.

Back on topic. I think it's important to note that JP and I did had some really fun, silly one on one times but the show went out of their way to never show ANY of that in attempts to portray me based off of the only awkward encounter. Such a joke. That was the only awkward conversation we ever had of our many conversations, and it was the ONLY one they aired, of course. That's "REALITY" TV for you. And the reason it was awkward in the first place was because I didn't feel right about what I was about to do, WITH GOOD REASON. It felt super unnatural and it WAS. I was not in a good place and I should have talked to Juan Pablo about how I was feeling, but I just didn't feel a connection with him like that to where I could even do that. I also didn't want to offend him and be like, dude, you're a terrible judge of character. I also didn't want to be the girl who was having a "hard time", so again, just confusion all around.

Here's just ONE problem with this process. You go through this long casting process and fly out to LA for the final round of casting before you even know who "The Bachelor" is. My hopes were high that it was JEF, or BROOKS, or CHRIS, maybe ZACK W. (Again, all those guys could be jerks, you DONT know.) But based off EDITS alone and who I thought could be in the running, that's who I was hoping for. Scouts honor, the last person I wanted to see as bachelor was Juan Pablo 1) because I thought and still think he's in it 1000% for fame and that's what he cares about most and 2) I knew there would be a huge language/cultural barrier, and 3) I know latino guys don't normally go for smart, laid back, funny, goofy type girls, definitely not modest ones. They like spicier and feistier. Not to stereotype him, but that's what I thought, and I was definitely right. Also, I have heard this from multiple people, that on Desiree's season, Juan Pablo got out of the hot tub with her, shrugged his shoulders to the other guys and said, "It's just show business guys, all show business." I've heard this from MULTIPLE PEOPLE in The Bachelor family, some of who were there themselves. Juan Pablo is NOT as loved as he's portrayed to be from his season and it's obvious why. The worst part about it is that EVERYONE, including all the producers and entire team of the show, know that. Obviously, they have to. But at the end of the day, it's about A TV SHOW AND RATINGS, NOT ABOUT finding a perfect match for anyone, or love. If they really wanted the show to be more successful, they'd pick a NEW person each time that has the qualities that they're looking for. Being a GENUINE person has been thrown out the window when casting and it ALL comes down to HOW HOT someone is. If I worked for this show, I could GUARANTEE a higher success rate by casting a NEW Bachelor/ette each time. It would assure you get someone in there who is genuine, AND HOT, AND more well rounded, then any reject from the show. AND it would stop people from coming on to be the next Bachelor/ette. People weren't THAT invested in Juan Pablo OR in other rejects past. SEAN I agree was a great choice. WHEW...

AGAIN, This is the world of Reality Television.

I want to be very honest about why this happened with me. I'll start by saying, to future contestants of this show, you NEVER HAVE to do what a producer encourages you to do, you DO have a choice even if you don't feel like it at the time. I was VERY naive before going on to this show about manipulation, about fakeness, about Juan Pablo as a person, about everything. In Korea, I got very frustrated. Once Sharleen got the one on one date card, I knew this guy had zero interest in me. He just went for a different kind of girl. Nothing against Sharleen AT ALL. I love Sharleen. But he gave her a one on one already knowing he had a strong connection with her, so he didn't want to explore anything with me, Alli, or Danielle, a few girls I thought maybe he would want to. At this point I thought Juan Pablo was a terrible judge of character. I still hold strong to that, I don't think he's a good judge of character. I really don't mean that in offense to anyone he did like. He liked some amazing girls. But, of course, as someone who values myself, and every quality I have to offer, of course I'm offeneded he can't see that I am ALSO Worldy like Sharleen, I also have very high standards for a partner, like he said about Clare, ETC. BUT I guess the attraction wasn't there for him, or something.

the EXCEPTION of awesome friends that I made.

For those of you wondering, or not wondering, JP is very hard to read, so hard to have a conversation with but he was keeping me around and it just seemed like such a waste of time. I wanted to either GO HOME or move FORWARD but without a spark or chemistry, you obviousy can't do that. Talking (at least with me) was NOT Juan Pablo's strong suit. It was a STRUGGLE like nothing I've ever experienced. We just had ZERO chemistry. I seriously might be the EASIEST person in the world to talk to and I think he's the HARDEST person in the world to talk to. Isn't the Bachelor supposed to kiss more than 6 girls total?! Obviously, right after I did it, I knew I was going home. I had a Ron Burgandy moment, thinking "I IMMEDIATELY REGRET THIS DECISION." And then I was mad at a producer for convincing me that was a good idea. Jerk. But truly, I just laugh about it now because it's NOT REAL. It's ENTERTAINING. It's ALL in good FUN! That's what this experience is supposed to be, FUN.

I'm a very modest, fun, laid back, drama free kind of person but when we got to Korea, things got really stressful for everyone. I'd say Korea was the turning point for SURE, for everything. Numbers were dwindling down, people starting getting more emotional, I was SURROUNDED by more drama and "shit talking" than ever, I mean IN MY LIFE, and I am NOT used to that. I just could not deal, even with good friends around, I just didn't know if I wanted to be there anymore. If there's drama, I RUN for the hills. And when you're sequestered in a suite in Korea, there's no where to run. I didn't know how to get away from it. Once we got to Korea, there was a bigger divide in the house as well, cattyness, and seriously, I couldn't take it. I questioned why I signed up for this madness and was competing for some guy I didn't even think I liked. I questioned everything, including Juan Pablo. I HONESTLY wanted to leave and I seriously considered it, but I was talked out of it. My biggest regret is that I didn't. 100%, I wish I would have left since that how I truly felt. But there WAS a part of me that wanted to stay and try to get through it because there are always fun things and fun desitnations ahead, but then if you stay for those things, you're not really staying for the right reasons. Needless to say, I was really having an internal battle about EVERYTHING I was feeling. This is why I lost my marbles in Korea.

Let me introduce myself to you who I REALLY am: My name is Lauren. I'm a VERY REAL person. I avoid drama like the plague. I never try to get on camera or put an act on for camera. I avoided them more than most people in the house and did not care. I'm very laid back. And I'm the last person who wants to compete for some guy's attention I don't even know if I like. I'm polar opposite of desperate. I could be slightly dorky, but I'm not awkward. I go with the flow for everything, maybe to a flaw. That ultimately led me to trying to kiss Juan Pablo for entertainment sake. There's no reason I should be doing that on a reality show, mainly because I wouldn't do it in real life. Only if I was VERY drunk. I didn't even like Juan Pablo after getting to know him. I like tall, lean, dorky, smart, american guys so I didn't know what I was doing there anymore anyway. But this is just how reality television is. I'm just one of the only people to admit it out loud.

I'm not the only contestant this has happened to, as you'll see. Juan Pablo is 1) one of the hardest people I've ever had to have a conversation with. I may be the EASIEST person on earth to talk to, and I could not have a great conversation with this guy. 2)He's NOT easy to read either. I had NO idea what the guy was thinking, ever. There was a HUGE cultural and language barrier that made things VERY difficult for someone like me who is sarcastic, witty, and goofy in a relationship.

and he has a fun-ish side, so we def had a goofy friendship vibe but Korea is where I realized completely that there was NOTHING there for him either. I was not a front runner.

It was getting harder, everyone was emotional that week. There's only so much I can say without getting in trouble so I'm going to try to make this clear to everyone: It should be NO SECRET to anyone anymore that reality shows are HEAVILY MANIPULATED. Contestants from every season let you in on this. It's really important to remember that when you watch a show like "The Bachelor". I'm talking HEAVILY - you can fall in love with someone who's perceived to be the nice girl, who may a jerk in real life, you don't know. You think, hey that girl is awkward or looks despserate. You probably VERY wrong. You might think that one girl was SUPER quiet when she's actually REALLY funny and cool. You might think someone's a super bitch, who might have just enjoyed playing that role for the camera because she wants air time. There's SO much that goes into it, that you'll never know unless you experience it first hand. People are half acting all the time. People half the time DONT even like who The Bachelor is, but want to go far on the show for their own personal gain. This happens EVERY SEASON. This especially became a real problem when they started recycling Bachelor/ettes from each season. You get way more people who are there for the wrong reasons that you'll never even know are. Everyone knows going in that they could be the next Bachelor/ette. THAT'S A PROBLEM.

There are SO many things that are NOT what they appear, on EVERY season of this show. People are NOT who they seem, ALL the time. OF course, SOME people get the edit that is fitting to their personalities. I'll give you an example from our season: RENEE. Renee is a very compassionate and loving person and we all loved her. BUT, if Renee hadn't gone far in this show, the girl is so nice and sweet that she wouldn't get much air time, like for example, Christy and myself, who were also sweet and nice, but didn't make it far enough for them to edit us in a way where viewers want to get invested in us. Had Christy and I been in the final four, we would get MUCH more air time in a good light. Does this make sense? It's not a matter of choice for you as the viewer who you like sometimes without you even knowing it because you're swayed by editing into liking someone or not. If you met everyone in REAL LIFE you'd have a much better gauge and much more choice in the matter of who you like. It's a matter of brainwash/manipulation unless you're watching VERY closely, and even then, it's hard to tell who's real or who's cool, etc. because they choose what they you SEE.

See what I'm saying here? Certain people are EDITED in a way that will make you fall in love with them. Maybe because they're the hottest. Maybe because ABC knows who they want as Bachelorette. Maybe because they NEED a villan. But maybe they ARE a villan. WHO KNOWS? You will NEVER KNOW what someone is like, until you meet them in person? Think Juan Pablo is loveable? Or think he's a total phony who is in it for the fame?! I could tell you the answer to that, but the point is, you'll NEVER KNOW UNLESS YOU MEET THEM IN PERSON and are able to judge them for yourself because ABC can do A LOT OF MANIPULATING TO MAKE YOU AS A VIEWER BELIEVE ANYTHING. Seriously, it's ALL pretty fake from what I've seen so far, and if you're a fan of reality shows because you think they're real, then I highly recommend you stop watching them. If you like them because you KNOW it's ridicluos, and you can make fun of it, and get drunk with your friends while laughing at the created and manipulated drama, then cheers to you. The girls who make the final 4, EVERY SEASON, will get MORE air time even in the early episodes, and MOST of them, no matter what, will be perceived as likeable, so that you will fall in love with them. Unless ONE is outted as the villan. THIS IS TELEVISION people. If you think you're a huge fan of someone and you will love them in real life, you could be TOTALLY off. I know this as someone who has been a fan of this show, thought what you thought, and then met people from the show, and was wrong about people. I've experienced ALL of it first hand. THINGS ARE NOT WHAT THEY APPEAR. SOME of them are, like Renee, but you wouldn't know that unless someone was there or can tell you for sure. Heck, a good handful of "Bachelors" in the history of this show ARENT good Bachelor's at all (I leave Sean Lowe completely out of that statement, he SEEMS like a stand up guy, and I've HEARD good things from contestants on his season. Of course, I was made to fall in love Sean because of his edit, but I've heard from people personally he was a stand up guy. ESPECIALLY since they started recycling from seasons.

It's even more important to realize that if you're choosing to go ON a reality show. You have to be VERY careful about everything you say and do. Drama and a story are being CREATED every minute. PEOPLE are being manipulated. This is NOT breaking news. Even smart, down to earth people like myself can get frustrated for a couple days, and get "encouraged" and do something silly/stupid/ballsy, that they would never do in real life, as you just saw. HERE is the reality: I never liked Juan Pablo. He never liked me. A friendship? sure. We got along, and laughed at things, but That being said, a producer cant actually take my head and force it towards Juan Pablo's to try to kiss him. I was influenced, BUT ultimately, I made the decision myself to go for it (at an awful time, mind you) so I have to OWN it. For the record, I've NEVER attempted the first move with a guy in my LIFE, I'm sure that's obvious. I would never do that in a NORMAL REAL-LIFE SITUATION. But this is NOT real life. When you're in a COMPETITION, it's exactly that, a COMPETITION, and honestly, THAT night, I fell into COMPETITION MODE 100%, which definitely took over took COMMON SENSE mode. I mean, I totally lost my SWAG. My mindset was simply - "I'm going for it no matter what." (which was honestly, REALLY dumb and immature, AND stupid when you have cameras all around you.) And truthfully, I didn't even know if I wanted a kiss. I was just so frustrated and taking it out in the weirdest ways possible. If a kiss was truly what I wanted, I should have asked politely like Renee did that night. Renee is such a great example of maturity and wisdom. Love her. The BEST thing I could have done was just talk to him about how I was really feeling about the situation, how frustrated I was, but I didn't really want to be that girl either. I didn't want to "complain". I just could NOT open up to him like that - a clear sign that we didn't have that chemistry. Truly, I think if I had been taking the competition and Juan Pablo SERIOUSLY, I wouldn't have done what I did. But if I'm being really honest, at that point, I couldn't take him seriously, as terrible as that sounds, mainly because I think he's a poor judge of character (I promise you, that's not bitterness talking) I wish him the best, I'm NOT bitter. I truly mean, overall, I think he likes less modest, more loud, dare I say, mean, or at least feistier kind of girls, which I really think is a CULTURAL thing. And you know what, that's totally okay! But for me, that's a turnoff. It just seemed like the WRONG season for laid back, down to earth, nice girls, who maybe would have been better suited for a SEAN LOWE-esque Bachelor. But as they say, IT IS WHAT IT IS. We all know ABC doesn't have the best track record for choosing great Bachelors (I leave Sean Lowe out of that statement of course, great choice, in my opinion). Besides JP's taste in women, I was surrounded by an OVERWHELMING amount of drama in the house that week, which the public won't ever see. I hit a point where I truly didn't want to be there anymore, and was very confused about my feelings altogether. But for some reason, I couldn't express any of it to Juan Pablo. Instead, I went about it in a whacky way by trying to force something that just wasn't there for either one of us. I was having a real internal battle in Korea - it was straight up awful. Alli and Renee can attest to me saying multiple times that week, that I WISHED THE BEST FOR JUAN PABLO and hope he finds happiness with one of the girls, because I KNEW I wasn't going to be that girl. I thought multiple times about seriously leaving the competition, which NOW looking back, I really wish I would have. It truly would have been the RIGHT thing to do for me, and for Juan Pablo. We never had chemistry, not romantically. Fun? yes. Friendship? Yes. But, I knew right away, deep down we weren't going to have a romantic connection. I'm sure he knew that too. While I definitely am not JP's type, he wasn't mine either and I had concerns about going on the show in the first place with JP as Bachelor. I said in multiple interviews that I was very concerned there would be a cultural/language barrier, which I could not have been more right about. BUT, again, I still CHOSE to say yes to doing the show, and I really did want the "Bachelor experience". I wasn't going to say no. That's all kind of irrelevant at this point. Anyway, this kiss attempt is a prime example of letting the stress of the "competition" get to you and the COMPETITIVENESS to "advance" take over your common sense/reason. I had trouble really opening up to Juan Pablo, we just didn't connect in that way. I couldn't just go to him and tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to either move this train along already or jump off it. I mean, in real life, if a guy hasn't tried to kiss you after four weeks AND is attracted to "mean" girls, I'd be LONG gone by then. But in this particular situation where you want to be a part of the show still, I didn't know WHAT to do, to be honest. But I didn't want to remain stagnant or at the bottom of the barrel each week. No one wants to be in a relationship that's not going anywhere. All I wanted was to KNOW, I'm not one to be "dragged" along. And of course, that's not what was Juan Pablo was doing, that's just how the show works, and in the end, I definitely just let all of it get to me. Leaving, I was not heartbroken. In fact, I felt an incredible sense of relief. No more faking. No more DRAMA. I'm NOT used to being around drama. I have the most incredible laid back group of friends in the world. I avoid Drama like the plague, so I had a really, really hard time being around so much of it. I had a great conversation with Juan Pablo at the rose ceremony in Korea, saying I was sorry for putting both of us in an uncomfortable situation, I know we're just friends too, and I have no problem with going home and that I wished him the very best. And then he sent me home. I was not shocked at all, obviously, when my name wasn't called. I was 100% expecting it and at peace with it. Point is, I knew I was going home, and if I HAD been offered a rose, I would have been very confused and honestly don't think I would have accepted after what happened, so no shocker I went home. Overall, I had an amazing time being on the show! The first 3 weeks were SO much fun. Korea is where I had a hard time and should have left, before doing something STUPID. Shit. Shoula Woulda Coulda. I DO WISH JUAN PABLO the VERY best and I hope he finds what he's looking for... whether it's actually a wife, or just an acting career. I mean that sincerely.

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